Caedere
by Hellcat
Summary: A desperate act for someone so desperate to find the answers that lie beneath the surface.


**Title:** 'Caedere'  
**Author:** Hellcat  
**Author's Notes:** I'm upset and needed to get it out of my system. My cat got really hurt and we thought we might have to get him put down - he's all right though. Going back to the fic - I really just don't know what to say. It kinda goes with 'Blade Of Dishonor' but is in no way a sequel. Basically, it is a take on the timeline thing that Shinzo had going on.  
**Warning:** This is suicide.  
**Disclaimer:** All character's in this belong to Toei Animation more than likely., rather than me. Damn shame cos I could have made the series so much better, but oh well!  


* * *

Blood is such a pretty color. 

Vibrant and red. So much life fading away in one little trickle. It's all right though. I justify cutting myself by saying I'm the saviour of the world... Because that's what I am - a saviour. 

A long time ago my life was dedicated to fate. I had no say in the matter but then again who would turn down a chance to be loved by so many? No sane person would... Would they? 

I suppose I should tell you about myself, and why I do what I do. Where to start and what to allude to though? Can't give too much about me away. You might think less of me. Can't have that can we? Not that it really matters. There's always another chance to save the world. Hell it's been done before. And so what if one more world is lost. We all have to face failure sometime. It's inevitable. 

And thus my story starts. 

First things first - I should point out that I have a tendency to lose people. They come back though. But there's always that small puddle of difference in them. It eats away at me until I realized that it is my fault. I'm like a slow fatal disease. 

I destroy people all in the name of destiny. Guess the fates really screwed up this time. That's why one day I took up a small dagger and pressed it to my wrist. To alleviate the fact that I kill people. 

I tell you what - the feeling was amazing the first time. They say everything done the first time is the hardest. I laugh at that. When you do something for the first time it gives you experience for the next and so on. 

The blood pooled at the cut then veined out as I lifted my wrist closer to the light to get a better look. It was so vivid in its color that I thought it was an illusion. It was the first real thing I had seen in a while. More real than me that's for sure. 

I have to keep my habit a secret though. I doubt the others would understand. I could just see the look on their faces and what they would say... "How could you do that?" "You're supposed to be the sane one here!" "Why?" "Aren't we good enough for you?" 

Sure they're good enough, but why should I have to follow the norm that I've already had to do so many times before, once again? They have to learn that life doesn't always go to plan. People die. I die. They die. Pain however, makes it all better. Watching my life force drip onto the ground takes our hellish reality away for a moment. I feel normal. 

I feel alive. 

It's funny how being so close to death makes one really live. I have the energy to do things I've never done before. Psychically I'm immobile - spiritually I fly. 

That's when I learnt that Shinzo wasn't real. Oh it did exist once upon a timeline... Human's thrived there - it was their holy sanctuary, just as I am their chosen one. Now it has become more of a memory. Every single timeline it fades away, as I distance myself from the first. Does that make sense? It's kinda like a straight line. The further away from the starting origin, the line becomes weaker. If the starting point was in fact Shinzo, then eventually the different universe's that I arrive in will have a weaker version of Shinzo until there is finally nothing. 

Time will stop and my pain will end. 

But there is a twist to the whole plot. If I don't save enough worlds, then everything will reset and I'll be back at the original Shinzo. The memories of the different worlds and journeys will come back and haunt my dreams. I'll lose my sanity slowly, but be stronger because of it. So strong in fact, that I will eventually destroy everything. Chaos will rule and all life will die. 

Just like me. 

My time on this world runs short. I made the cut a little too deep this time round. The small trickle has turned into a cascading waterfall. Life is so much clearer right now. Finally clarity in such a long time... In killing myself I've doomed another Enterra to an existence fit only for hell. 

Oh well, I'll be alive in a few days I guess. I'm just running short on planets to save that's all. I always have the next place to save, and hopefully I won't have to relive this all again. 

Hello oblivion, and goodbye. One day we'll be together for eternity. Just you and me, and peace which I've been told to fight for. What good company we'll make. 

~ 

"Wake up, I've made you dinner. You need your strength more than ever..." 

The large yellow cat stood outside the door, waiting patiently for his young female companion to awaken. 

"Please wake up and unlock the door. You have to eat. You're only making yourself ill by not." he urged again, getting more impatient with every failure to acknowledge his presence. "Please open up now..." 

Now he was getting irritable. He didn't need this right now. He had the Kittens to look after, not to mention the rest of their group. For someone who was supposed to be their leader, they weren't exactly setting the best of examples. Kutal sighed and hammered on the door again - the hinges rattling with his strength. 

"Do you want me to break down the door? Because I will. As much as I would like to spend my time up here having a conversation with the door, I have work I need to do." 

Still no answer. 

"Ok - I'm breaking down the door. I hope you're decent in there." 

The door literally fell off its hinges, when he punched it. He stepped into the small room they had only just managed to afford, and looked around. The bed was covered in blood... 

"By the Celestial Guardians no..." he breathed. 

To the side of the bed he saw a weak hand let go a blood smeared blade, before finally going limp. 

"SAGO!" bellowed Kutal. "MUSHRA! UP HERE NOW!" 

He rushed to the body, and saw no visible signs of life. Fervantly he prayed to the Celestial Guardians for some sort of miracle. 

"Breath, damn you!" he called out, and mentally cursed himself that he had no knowledge of Human anatomy. 

"Kutal? What's up?" 

"Yakumo is... She's..." 

"Kutal?" 

Kutal cradled the girl in his arms, and lifted her. He held her out, like an offering to the two Enterrans before him. 

"She's..." 

"Yakumo?" 

"Who did this Kutal? Who did this to her?" 

The cat had no answer. The thief stepped forward, and saw the dagger. He picked it up and stared blankly at it. 

"She did it herself Mushra..." he whispered finally. "She took her own life..." 

"No she wouldn't do that," murmured the boy. "She had so much to live for... She was going to save us herself... She..." 

There was a pregnant pause and a muffled choke as Mushra felt himself stumble on the words that he was saying. He couldn't justify what she had done - no matter how hard he tried, Yakumo was dead by her own hands not by any others. 

"She's dead, boy. She couldn't handle the pressure." said Kutal. The anger inside him at seeing the devastation on his young friends face. Their saviour - the one that would led them to the light, had fallen from the grace that she epitomized. She had promised them life and freedom, now that was all gone. 

Mushra crumpled to the ground. Yakumo was gone. There would be no saviour for this world. They had to do it for themselves without her guidance. She was the one that had held the key. She was the one that knew the path. 

"Get her out of here Kutal... Take her and go... I never want to see, or hear of her again and her stupid beliefs, ever again!" 

Stoney-faced, the feline left the room leaving a trail of freshly dead blood in his wake. The thief watched the pale boy break down both physically and emotionally. 

"It'll be fine Mushra. We can do this without her." he said in his soothing, soft voice. "We didn't really need her anyway..." 

"No, we can't Sago. With her gone, even if we can win - we've already lost Shinzo." 

"Why? I don't understand what you mean." 

"I don't know what it mean myself Sago..." Mushra replied, the tears etched in his voice. I just know it. I can feel it deep inside me." 


End file.
